brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You made out with two different species that night
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Shame - the story of my life.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
