just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
