I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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