She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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