Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We left an ass print on the piano.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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