dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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