The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
