i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
