Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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