halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
