So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
