By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
