I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
