are you still at the devil's house?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
