i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
