so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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