babies were throwing up all over the place
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you would pick up someone in the library
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
