Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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