my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
