This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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