I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
