I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
