So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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