I just cut my nipple shaving
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
