I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
