grandma shit on top of the toilet
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
