now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
