OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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