Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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