i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
