I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
