Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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