Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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