I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
