That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
