She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
