I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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