when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
