Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just google imaged poop.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
