he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
