You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
