whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
