Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
