ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
