I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
