I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
