I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
