she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
