Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
