It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we're making bets on your personal life
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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