all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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