is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
