There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
